Goodbyes

There are things in life that we have no other choices but to say goodbye to. Losing loved ones, is one of the saddest goodbyes we would ever come across as humans. Some will go insane, get badly demotivated and even give up their lives out of the devastation. While for the strong ones, they move on and live with what they have.

Back in the days of my last moments with both of my late mom and dad, I was in college. I am the last of my five siblings. It was on a semester break before my third year starts, that my father took his last breath in front of my sister, my mother and myself. He was already admitted to the hospital a month earlier and I was taking care of him at the hospital. At that particular time of the year, my mother was suffering from a recurring cervical cancer and was undergoing chemo and radiotherapy treatment. She too, was admitted for her cancer treatment but she was able to take care of herself, but my father on the other hand, was showing signs that his time had almost come. He was not able to walk, recognize people or feed himself. I was practically living in two different hospitals for the entire month.

My mother finally got discharged and we were able to take care of my father together at the hospital. The rest of my siblings were working and they came to visit very often. A few weeks came by, my father were actually dying and when he left us, we accepted it and we said goodbye to him with love. On the same day of his passing, my mother was supposed to be admitted to the hospital again for a follow up treatment. Hearing the news, the hospital postponed her appointment to a week later, where I was supposed to start a new semester. Her treatment took about a week, so I skipped classes in order to keep an eye on her. She was strong, she undergone the treatment without any complaints, despite the ache and pain, losing her hair, and giving the condition that she had just lost her husband of almost 50 years thru ups and downs of marriage together.

Bringing the matter of skipping classes for a week, there was a lot that I missed. I was not really able to keep up with the pace, plus my mother was getting worse day after day. My study throughout the whole semester became a chaos. Months passed by until the semester ends, there was nothing else in my mind after my last final exam but to come home and take care of my mother. I came home, only to find out that she was worse than I thought she was doing, way worse that what I was told of her by my siblings. They meant for me not to worry much and focus on my study, but I was truly devastated. A couple of weeks later, she drew her last breath in front of me and my sister. I let her go with an empty heart and an open mind. There were no words to describe the feeling for the loss. It was like my future suddenly turned dark and scary.

Few days after her funeral, I headed back to my campus for my last semester. This time, there were no more papers to sit, just a long four-month of industrial training to finish. By this time, I had come to finally realize that I literally have no one. I realized that this was not a dream. I cried the hardest sorrow out of my chest. My parents died, and they took a dream of mine away with them. Dream of holding a bachelor’s degree of my own. I had no one to support me for my study. I had to grow up, accept the fact and get a job right after graduation. To support the fact, my previous semester’s examination result came out and I did badly. I was granted with the Dean’s List (a list of Dean’s Award candidates who scored a GPA of at least 3.50 and above) every semester before this, but that particular one that truly challenged me as a student, and as a human, got me off anywhere near the nomination for the Dean’s Award. However, I didn’t want to give it up that easily, there is no goodbye to say to education. I tried my hardest and scored 4.00 GPA for the last semester.

Since my opportunity of furthering my academic education to a higher level went off, I pursue other kinds of education where now I am learning to value life as it is. Surprisingly I learnt that just because one drives a luxury car, lives in a football field-sized mansion, it doesn’t mean that his heart is filled with satisfaction and true happiness. It takes a whole lot more than that to acquire the joy of happiness. I am currently defining happiness by my own terms, not by others’. I have said the hardest goodbye in life, so there will be no other future goodbyes that I can’t handle, and I am choosing not to say goodbye to things I have the choice not to.

Recently, my sister who is nine years older than me, W (not her real name), through a sponsorship program by her employer, finished a doctorate course, where all of her students will now call her Dr. W.. Mmmmmm.. Basically she is living my dream. The dream that died together with my mom and dad. Live well my beloved sister.

Goodbye  Mom and Dad. Goodbye dream.

Hello future! Be kind to me.